Crack Fairytale Parodies
by Salome Sensei
Summary: Parodies of fairy tale favorites -- and now a nursery rhyme, including Cinderella, Snow White, and 3 Little Kittens. I don't own the rights to Inuyasha, Disney, the Grimms, Perrault, or any other makers of famous kiddy stories!
1. The Prince is Having a Ball

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Author's Note: This parody was originally written for the first week at the LJ Community Inucomedyclub, for the situational prompt "Kanna and Kagura tag team Sesshomaru." It took first place!

The Prince Is Having a Ball

"All right girls," said wicked Mother Naraku, adjusting her wig. "Prince Sesshomaru will be dancing with every girl at the ball, and this is your big chance to win him. Heed my advice. Men like girls who are demure and flirtatious. Kagura: flutter that fan and bat your eyelashes for all you're worth! And don't talk about your powers like last time. Men do not like women who can kill them in a single swipe and a battlecry of 'Dance of Blades'!"

"Yes, Lady Mother," replied Kagura automatically, pretending, as always, not to know that mother-sama was in fact male and she had been born not of her womb but oozed from her hanyo flesh.

"And Kanna, listen up. If men prefer a sweet and shy woman, they do not like one that is positively morose! I want to see a smile on that ghostly face of yours tonight. And for goodness' sakes, hide the mirror. If it comes down to having to steal the Prince's soul to get him to marry one of you, I'll be the one to give the order. And who knows, if you don't handle it correctly, I may have to marry him myself!"

Kanna whispered a "Yes, Lady Mother," in so submissive and childlike a voice that it made Kagura want to scream. Her sister was such a milksop. And Mother Naraku was a hideous old drag queen. No, she was going to be the belle of the ball tonight and get that Prince! She'd simply strongarm the dandy out of the ballroom and, once alone, win him over with her well-practiced oral skills (primarily honed on that perverted village priest Miroku and his constant companion, the naughty stable boy Inuyasha). Yes, as befitted her title as wind sorceress, she'd simply blow him away.

"All right, girls, let's get dressed. We only have three hours to make ourselves perfect. And given how that silver-haired fop primps and fusses over his hair, clothes, and make-up, we've got some work ahead of us if we want to shine!" Mother Naraku ratcheted her voice up a notch as she yelled across the house, "Rinderella! Get in here now!"


	2. Shirayukihime no densetsu aka Snow White

© Salome Wilde, 2008

**Shirayukihime no densetsu **

**(The Legend of Snow White): **

**The Trailer**

Author's Note: This story was written for the LJ community Inucomedyclub for its "Love Hurts" theme. It did not win, place, or show! (I was robbed!! I welcome consoling reviews!!)

Disclaimer: I own the rights to neither _Inuyasha_ nor Disney's _Snow White _nor even Looney Tunes.

/cue overture and booming voiceover\

…**Coming Soon to Theaters…**

**Salome Wilde Presents:**

**An InuPeep Production**

"**Shirayukihime no Densetsu" **

**(The Legend of Snow White)**

**Starring:**

**Inuyasha as Prince Charming**

Our hero rides proudly into view, hair billowing behind him…on Sesshomaru in Dog form, looking most unhappy.

**The Shichinintai (The Band of Seven) as The Seven Dwarves**

They sing, at various pitches and timbres: "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to slaughter we go…"

**Naraku as The Wicked Queen**

A hideous drag queen croons: "Mirror, mirror in Kanna's hand, who's the fairest in the land?"

**...and introducing Kagome as Shirayukihime**

Standing at the well in an overly short gown, mugging for the camera, she sings (with Shippo, clinging to the well wall precariously, as her echo): "I'm wishing (I'm wishing), for the one I love, to find me (to find me), today…"

**Don't Miss the Tension…**

Jakotsu, as Dopey, cocking head and smiling: "Is she dead?"

Suikotsu, as Doc, stroking chin: "I don't think so…"

Mukotsu, as Bashful, eyes wide: "It's poison."

Bankotsu, as Grumpy, smacking Dopey: "C'mon boys, let's make a glass coffin out of Ginkotsu to put her in until Prince Inuyasha comes to save her!"

Jakotsu: "He has such lovely ears…"

Bankotsu smacks him again.

…**the Love…**

Inuyasha approaches to kiss Kagome back to life as Bankotsu sheds a perfect, beautiful single tear.

As Inuyasha bends to his beloved, we suddenly can't see a thing because his hair falls forward to ruin the shot. Kagome's hand reaches out, trying surreptitiously to push the lush mane away. When we see her face, it is clear she is mightily annoyed that her co-star is ruining her big moment.

…**and the Moral, as Old as Time Itself:**

Kagome hisses "Sit!" and Inuyasha crashes earthward with a cry of "Chikuso!"

**Love Hurts.**

Jaken, as Porky Pig: "Th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks!"


	3. Two Bishie Inu

Two Bishie Inu

(a revisiting of Three Little Kittens)

Warning: Dirty dogs and their spunk on a monk. I'm embarrassed I wrote this. But I enjoyed it.

Originally posted at LJ comm Feudal_Crack for their Fable Challenge. I just had to see if I could make a nursery rhyme into cracksmut.

Two bishie inu, they lost their love-true, and they began to sob,  
"Oh Papa dear, we sadly fear that we have lost our love-true."  
"What lost your love-true, you naughty inu!  
Then you shall have no hand job."  
"Woof, woof, woof, now we shall have no hand job."

The two bishie inu, they found their love-true,  
And they began to sob,  
"Oh Papa dear, see here, see here  
For we have found our love-true."

"Tie down your love-true, you silly inu,  
And you shall have hand job."  
"Woof, woof, woof,  
Now let us have hand job."

The two bishie inu tied down their love-true  
And soon wore out the monk,  
"Oh Papa dear, we greatly fear  
Our monk has drown in spunk."

"What drown your monk in your naughty spunk?"  
Then they began to cry, "Woof, woof, woof"  
Then they began to sigh.  
The two little inu they washed their love-true  
And hung him out to dry,  
"Oh Papa dear, do you not hear  
That we have washed our love-true.  
"What! Washed your love-true, you are good inu."  
But I smell a spider close by,  
"Woof, woof, woof" we smell a spider close by…


End file.
